Note: Originally posted on https://jenrohrigdesign.com/
When it comes to disabilities there are two kinds of limits:
The ones that actually exist in our bodies. And external ones that others place on us.
Because of ableism others will insist that there are things we can never do. Proving them wrong is always the goal.
Because that’s how we survive.
At the same time we need to figure out the real limits that exist and respect those. Because pushing too hard against the real limits can cause more harm than good.
It’s up to us to figure out and manage both of them. Because of ableism, it’s easy to get the two mixed up.
That’s the challenge.
I posted the above on my Instagram a while ago and I want to expand on it a bit. There’s so many examples of this out there.
There’s more than one person with Down Syndrome who has run a marathon for the first time. That’s an example of the first. People assumed that a person with Down Syndrome couldn’t possibly run a marathon, obviously some can. Just like anyone else, and it’s not really a surprise. But the problem is some of the language around it includes wording like “overcoming disability” or “despite their disability” which only adds to the problem. It’s not overcoming a disability, it’s overcoming ableist assumptions about that disability. It’s also important to remember that not everyone can run a marathon no matter who they are. Saying “if they can do it anyone can” is dangerous. It also downplays the person’s accomplishments because running a marathon is hard. They worked hard for it and they deserve to be praised for that hard work.
Knowing your own personal limits is important for your health and safety. It’s true that some people, disabled or not, will always push themselves and take risks. That’s fine for them if they know the risks but at the same time they should be asking themselves if it’s worth it. There are some things that just don’t seem worth it, like doing permanent damage yourself. And in this case I’m speaking of all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. I get that for some people playing sports is a way out of the situation they’re in but it still seems like in some cases the outcome wasn’t worth it.
I’m hard of hearing and people assume that because I wear a hearing aid my hearing is normal. What they don’t realize is that being hard of hearing means I don’t have the ability to filter out background noise like other people do. Everything is amplified with the hearing aids so in order to not be bothered by things like air conditioners running I have to turn my hearing aids down. It also means my ability to hear someone depends on where they’re standing and how close. I’m not going to hear someone behind me or facing away from me. These are real limits that actually exist for me. Ignoring those limits means I don’t hear things. If I don’t make someone turn around and face me and/or repeat things I miss out. I have to remind people that I am in fact hard of hearing.
Some might say that I should just keep my hearing aid up all the time so that I can hear everything and not make other people responsible. Well I’ve tried that and you know what happens? I get a headache and I still don’t hear everything anyone says because I’m mostly just hearing the background noise because it’s so loud. I have no choice but to advocate for myself and tell people what I need.
Dealing with both types of limits is hard – learning which ones are the fake ones placed on us and learning which ones are real will always be complicated. Sometimes the ones placed on us by others are also real ones – and sometimes what we thought were real ones turn out to be ones we were told by others years ago and didn’t realize it. Sometimes the limits are only limits until we are given the tools to figure out alternate means of doing things and everyone around us accepts those modifications. We don’t need to be like everyone else to accomplish things, we need to be allowed to accomplish things in our own way.